Thinking

haaay... fast forward na lng tani ang life ko... Really awant things to fall

Into place and live the life I want.. The happy family and a stable job... 

Haiz

Kung if ever gid man na mabasahan mo ni hon, pls. Indi man pag e take negatively and mag think kung anu2x...pls. Imbis na mang break ka, e prove mo na lang sa ila na worth it tanan nga sacrifices ko cmu... I know may mga bagay kaman na gin himu para sa akun and I am thankful for that.. Always gid... Pro this time hon, it's your turn naman na ipa kita sila na deserving ka.. indi mag hambal nga kung indi nku ka agwanta te ma give up nku eh... Kay kablo ka gid nga maskin anu pana nahimu ko or gin contribute sa relationship ta gapati gid ko na responsible ka nga tawo. Tani lng hon, indi ta pag say sayangun ang chance na gin hatag sa atun... Kablo ka gid kung anu taka ka palangga... Ka kapoy lng kis.a hon, kay feeling ko do ako na lng tanan... Dasun ma sinuplado ka nmn kung mabasahan mo ni kag ma hambal na palayo.an mo nku kay gaka budlayan ko cmu... Kaya tani hon, buligay lng ta... kay wala nmn ko iban na gusto ma upod mag tigulang ko ah... Ikaw nmn lng... 

Morning thought

Aga pa si jen nagessage sakun... ahay... her words strike me... I know na chak2 gid sa tuod... :'( wala nku kablo kung anhun ko si Michael... Kay dapat siya na ya mag kusa gihu.. Gaka remember ko ang mga times nga gina bilin yako sa iri... Na dapat e comfort yako, but instead siya pa mangakig kag mapalayo... ang time nga na close ang acct., ko.. Nga iya lang gusto masunod... And ang pinka last... ang time nga na dakpan ko and wala gid ko may nakuha na sabat sa iya kung anu himu.on ko... Ne pangayu pa senxa sa iloy ko wala gid sa nag hambal na amun to duwa sala... 

Update

2 weeks pa man lng since naka puli kmi d sa Bacolod... So far so good ang akun na self regain...  And Michael promised to look for a job before this month ends. Yes he did tell me before we went home. It saddens me to realize that up until now wala man japon update.. Kadamu reasons.. Ang sakit and ang kwarta hinders him from looking a job... haay... Sometimes do ma give up nku sa pag pati sa mga gina hambal ya... :(  I really wanna support him sa planu niya sa pangabuhi ya.. Galing kay do asta lng sa hambal pirmi... Palangga ko gid sa katama nga gina push ko gid siya... I just hope na tani indi ya pag e take negatively kag mahambal nmn sa break... 

uhan

Had a day well spent with him.. :) I love it when he says he loves me in the middle of our love.. And the plans he has in stored for our future. It gives me hope and a positive outlook. I really do hope this time he will get up and start living the reality of life.. now that we really need to earn a living for our future. I missed him so much.. And the little things we usually do back in manila... The simple surprise hugs and the kiss on my lips before we sleep and when I wake up... I can't wait to live in the same roof with him.. I wish my family can let me go and give me the freedom to marry him... 

depressed

I feel so down and hopeless... Just realized how my life sucks.. While everybody has already in the middle of their goal in life.. Mine hasn't started yet...   Back to zero and i feel like I'm going nowhere... I'm stuck in these "I don't know" deeper thoughts leads me to be depressed and too

Much thinking makes me weak and just wanna give up... I don't know

If there's someone out there who cares to pull me out of this black hole... I really do need help to see the light... someone who can stand out for me and give me strength...