Bwesit

Kablo na gid siya nga anytime.. Malakat gid... Kung bored siya anu lng ko ayhan... Pro mayo man gani kay i hate to see his face... I knew everytime he makes some good gestures may ara gid something dasun... And thats it.. To think na monthsary pa gid nmn.... Halin pa kagapon na lain buot ang gala feel ko sa iya... Ang responsibilidad ya nga indi ya ma himu2x... Mabata nku anytime pero asta sbng wala pa sa ya money on hand.. Kanami wawaw todo... What kind of life ang gin pili ko man... halin pa sang una ga asa ko na ma bag.o siya... San.o pa man... Contento na siya na asta lang sa pirmi sa hambal... pa asahun yako sa wala.. 

25 of the dec.

It's Christmas Day. Our first christmas as a family. :) pero do wala ko man na feel ang christmas. Buringot pako gani since.. D ko na ma remember nga day.. i don't know.. Gaka bad mood lng ko everytime mag palapit bana ko sakun.. I dont know why gaka iritar ko sa iya.. Lain na gid ko batasan cgoro kay bitter mn ko japon.. And kung anu2x nmn gasulod sa mind ko.. Pati ang mga paglantaw ya porn, gina gaan ko na ya meaning.. Haiz.. Lousy gid mn ko b cgoro mo.. Demanding.. Reklamador kag nagger.. Sino mana indi madula.an gana man... kgna gani for the first time.. Sometimes I don't feel were making love.. Sometimes i think na his thinking of ither females face if mag make love sa sakun.. Or maybe ako lng ang kung anu2x ginapaminsar.. Vocal man siya na love yaku.. Kmi ni hugo.. Basta may gaka feel lng gid ko na may something nga indi buo ang ma feell ko whenver he tells me that.. Or maube ga drama nmn ko.. haay.. Kabudlay when you don't know whats wrobg.. But you feel theres really something wrong... 

No 1st wedding anniversary moment.. How sad.

Ahay.. I know i shouldnt feel this way.. Pero i cant help it.. I felt unappreciated.. Its our first wedding anniversary.. :'( pero wala gid.. Maskin effort mn lng tani to make me feel special.. i was expecting like maskin a flower or small something na mapakita ya nga gina value ya ang marriage namun nga big thing mn para sa iya na naka one year kmi.. Or even a 100 peso cake na lng tani.. Kay wala mn kmi money.. Or kung anu man da.. :'( and here he is.. Snoring.. Sleeping soubdly as if its just an ordinary day.. :'(  i mean theres a lot of things he can do even if wala money.. :'( imbis na magin happy ko.. Mas naging sad pako ya.. 😭😭😭

Non stop crying and crying na lng ni ya..

 Ahay... Emo na nmn ako.. I cant even fave my husband kay i know same issue mn lng japon.. He might think ga drama nmn ko.. Its just that everytime e sermonan ko ni agi ga sink in nmn tanan.. From the beginning .. Sang na confirm na pregnant ko.. Ang pag misinterpret ko kay papa.. Ang kasal.. na hambal ko kaya ya kmi buhi.on.. Ang pag baya ko.. How many times kmi nag away ni ahi kay hambal ko kaya ya mag bayad.. Ang natabo sang manug bata nku.. Ang pasakit ko... until nag gwa na siya.. Dasun ang pam buy milk and diapers.. Ang celebration.. I ate every word i've said.. Ang akun depensa sa iya.. Gun haplak sakun tanan.. Poro tana. Wala.. Kina.on ko.. And now Im so frustrated on hiw I can help him to become a father to become a bread winner.. Asta san.o pani man? When he can't even tell me when it will stop.. I had enough sang mga pa asa ya.. pero wala mn ko japon choice but to listen and believe na matuman ang mga gina hambal ya.. Nahuya na gid ko sa pamilya ko sa kabatun sang tana na mga masakit na gina hambal nila.. Sa parents ko.. Sa kay mama.. I know a deep inside suya sa.. But d niya gusto makita na masakitan ko.. Thays why gina keep niya lng tanan and show me instead na okay ang tanan.. Kanami chabaw or wawaw.. If only hapos lng tanan tani.. 

Bwesit

Kablo na gid siya nga anytime.. Malakat gid... Kung bored siya anu lng ko ayhan... Pro mayo man gani kay i hate to see his face... I knew everytime he makes some good gestures may ara gid something dasun... And thats it.. To think na monthsary pa gid nmn.... Halin pa kagapon na lain buot ang gala feel ko sa iya... Ang responsibilidad ya nga indi ya ma himu2x... Mabata nku anytime pero asta sbng wala pa sa ya money on hand.. Kanami wawaw todo... What kind of life ang gin pili ko man... halin pa sang una ga asa ko na ma bag.o siya... San.o pa man... Contento na siya na asta lang sa pirmi sa hambal... pa asahun yako sa wala.. 

For my little sunshine

Baby, today as mommy's lying in bed feeling every bit of your movements. I feel so blessed to be able to experience this baby. You are so precious to me and you are the best miracle that happened to me. Mommy will do everything to support you and make you feel loved. I'm sorry baby if sometimea mommy's too dramatic that I tend to cry a lot of times which is not good for you. I will try my best to be strong and deliver you safe into this world. I can't wait to finally see you and touch you baby. I love you so much. 

:(

Tani matapos na ni Lord ang pag antos ko... Please help us kmi ni baby... Nakulba.an nku.. :'( kayanun ko gid ni ang normal Lord. Be with me mag bata ko... Please keep my baby healthy and complete. Maskin sakun na lng makad2 ang tanan nga malain.. Kayanun ko gid para kay baby..  Heal my heart Lord.. I need peace during delivery and strength... I never thought na matabo gid ang gina expect ko... Lord God help me and my baby... :'(

:'(

As I have forward myself to a new level in my relationship with him the first thing that I really want to happen is to moved on from the past and not discover some new disappointing informations. I am now married and its not like before when I can just say I want to stop and thats it. I know that when I came up with my decision to marry this man, i should have also prepared myself for the worst. Because it's either gonna be for a better life or slowly learning and knowing that i have chosen a gun which will eventually hurt and will give me a scar. Yes I admit I have become a more selfish being with my current pregnancy. But I guess it's an exception, the condition is not easy to handle and gets heavier everyday. I appreciate every little effort he has showed, offered and given me to the extent his patience and understanding. I know for a fact that entering this relationship being unprepared financially and emotionally will give me a very challenging and independent life. Maybe I was caught up with the over whelming feeling that I am finally on the stage of my life where I am carrying a new being, a gidt and a miracle. I have not anticipated the possible outcomes and challenges I may face in entering this serious matter of marriage. But still I am hoping that in no time I may somehow see that he is really capable in being a father and a husband. It's gonna be tough for me to handle and face every single criticism from people whom i know doesn't know our story or simply us as persons. I also need to be brave and strong for my angel.. To be honest, i felt like i want to stop working and just sleep all day and just think about what I want to eat and my baby's health. But due to some circumstances, i need to work to help my family and prepare for my coming delivery. I feel sad and helpless... And knowing that somehow he is not geniinely true to me. Maybe he was also top overwhelmed and that he wanted to prove that he is a man... he may love much, but i don't know until when...  How many promises has to be broken ...