:'(

As I have forward myself to a new level in my relationship with him the first thing that I really want to happen is to moved on from the past and not discover some new disappointing informations. I am now married and its not like before when I can just say I want to stop and thats it. I know that when I came up with my decision to marry this man, i should have also prepared myself for the worst. Because it's either gonna be for a better life or slowly learning and knowing that i have chosen a gun which will eventually hurt and will give me a scar. Yes I admit I have become a more selfish being with my current pregnancy. But I guess it's an exception, the condition is not easy to handle and gets heavier everyday. I appreciate every little effort he has showed, offered and given me to the extent his patience and understanding. I know for a fact that entering this relationship being unprepared financially and emotionally will give me a very challenging and independent life. Maybe I was caught up with the over whelming feeling that I am finally on the stage of my life where I am carrying a new being, a gidt and a miracle. I have not anticipated the possible outcomes and challenges I may face in entering this serious matter of marriage. But still I am hoping that in no time I may somehow see that he is really capable in being a father and a husband. It's gonna be tough for me to handle and face every single criticism from people whom i know doesn't know our story or simply us as persons. I also need to be brave and strong for my angel.. To be honest, i felt like i want to stop working and just sleep all day and just think about what I want to eat and my baby's health. But due to some circumstances, i need to work to help my family and prepare for my coming delivery. I feel sad and helpless... And knowing that somehow he is not geniinely true to me. Maybe he was also top overwhelmed and that he wanted to prove that he is a man... he may love much, but i don't know until when...  How many promises has to be broken ...